Und Die Vögel Singen Nicht Mehr
by Lamia of the Dark
Summary: Oneshot. Sasha falls victim to her insecurities. Written for the Caesar's Palace Emotion Challenge, prompt: unloved.


**DISCLAIMER: Attack on Titan belongs to Hajime Isayama.**

 **A/N: Yes, the title is in German... it means "and the birds sing no more".**

 **There is a reason I named it that, and not just because I wanted a German title. It's a lyric from "Ohne Dich" by Rammstein, which is a love song, and while this isn't really particularly romantic, I felt the theme/tone of the song kind of fits with depression/lack of friendship as well.**

~ Und Die Vögel Singen Nicht Mehr ~

In the chaos after missions, when no one is sure who survived and everyone is trying not to panic while they search for their friends and loved ones among the survivors, Sasha does her best to remain calm and help others find who they're looking for.

After several missions, she begins to notice that no one is ever looking for _her_.

Frantic gazes only pause slightly to register her presence before sliding past her, as she is not the one they seek. Names fly thick and fast through the air.

"Where's Eren?"

"Where's Jean?"

"Has anyone seen Moblit?"

"Mikasa! Armin!"

"Where did the Captain go?"

"Hanji!"

"Krista!"

But not a single panicked voice ever shouts, "Where's Sasha?"

A hand descends on her shoulder, and she feels a flare of hope. But when she turns and finds herself facing Jean, the words that come out of his mouth are not _I'm so glad you're alive_ or even _I was looking for you_. Instead he blurts out, "Have you seen Connie?"

"Yeah, he was over there a minute ago," she answers, pointing out the last location she remembers seeing the short boy.

Once the lost and living have all been accounted for and everyone begins to calm down, Sasha decides that next time she will not be here for this. No one will miss her anyway, so when the next mission ends, she will go off somewhere quietly by herself.

* * *

"Hey."

When Sasha fails to respond, Levi lightly kicks her boot to get her attention.

"Everyone's looking for you."

"Yeah, right," she mutters, not raising her head.

"You missed dinner."

 _Of course. Of course **that** would be the only time anyone noticed I was missing!_

She sniffles.

"Are you crying?"

"Yes," she mumbles into her knees, not seeing any reason to deny it.

Levi plunks himself down next to her and throws an arm around her shoulders.

"Look," he says. "It's okay to need time to yourself after you get back from a mission. Everyone gets that way sometimes."

Not having expected this level of sympathy from the captain, she is nonetheless grateful for it, even if he does not truly understand her motive for hiding. Hesitantly, she leans into his side. When he responds by embracing her more firmly, she snuggles closer to him and buries her face against his shoulder.

"But disappearing before anyone is sure you're alive is a _shitty_ thing to do to your team," Levi continues, his harsh tone at odds with the tenderness of his touch.

"They don't really care about me, though," she whispers. "No one even thought about 'the potato girl' until it was something to do with food."

He gives her a reassuring squeeze and says, "Yeah, that was when they happened to realize you were missing. Everyone's used to you standing conspicuously in the middle of things when we get back, and although Jean and Connie swore up and down that you made it back alive with the rest of us, they lost their shit when they found out no one remembered seeing you anytime between when we got back and dinner."

Sasha lifts her head from his shoulder and pins him with a suspicious glare.

"If that's true, then how come you're the one who came and found me, and not them?"

"They calmed down when Moblit said he'd seen you come out here."

She just sits there staring at him while her mind tries to process the information that she is more than just a running joke to the rest of her squad. Levi makes no move to let go of her, and Sasha wonders whether she should stay here and cuddle with him for as long as he'll allow it, or seek out the friends who were worried about her to assure them that she is alright.

Her stomach makes the decision for her when it chooses that moment to growl loudly. Embarrassed, she scrambles to her feet and attempts to flee. She narrowly avoids running straight into Jean, who appears in the doorway just as she is about to exit.

"You okay?" Jean asks, laying his hands on her shoulders to steady her as she skids to a halt in front of him.

Before Sasha can get out more than a lackluster "Yeah" her stomach adds its two cents to the conversation. Her head drops in defeat as she finds herself once again living up to her reputation as the food-obsessed 'potato girl'. "...I'm hungry, though."

"We brought you food!" pipes up Connie, poking his head through the doorway to grin at her.

Her previous embarrassment is washed away by the rising maelstrom of friendship and gratitude that wells up within her, and Sasha flings her arms around the two boys.

"Thanks, guys! You're the best!"

~end~


End file.
